


Child

by Shea



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Annoyed Kanda is Annoyed, Canon Compliant, Child References ?, Minor Violence, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 06:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12126867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shea/pseuds/Shea
Summary: Lavi finds out Kanda is only nine years old. Irritation ensues.





	Child

**Author's Note:**

> Just for reference, it's set before Timothy shows up so that Kanda is (technically) the youngest atm. :P

It was no news that Lavi liked making jokes and puns, about anything and everything he could get material about. His favorite victims were those that were unamused by this behavior. Namely ones like Kanda. Although Link was fun to tease about his spots, too. But Yuu had been his target since day one, and it _never_ got old.

So when Lavi found out from a certain branch head scientist that Kanda was really only nine years old… well, he took that and ran with it, of course. Lavi had heard of the Second Exorcist project before but was spared the details, probably for the better. But just _nine_ years ago was Kanda born? That’d make him the youngest exorcist like, ever. He was still technically a _child._

To say the thought amused Lavi would be a gross understatement. And he would _most_ definitely add this little fact to his arsenal of Yuu-puns.

<><><><><><> 

Kanda inwardly groaned when he made it to the waterway for a mission and saw both the Moyashi and Lavi there as well. Which typically meant all three (four, if Bookman was going as well) had to go _together._ Gross.

“Move over.” He muttered, poking at Lavi’s leg with the toe of his boot.

Lavi grinned his usual annoying grin and scooted over anyway. Kanda sat down in the boat beside him, which normally would _not_ be his first choice but the Moyashi had already taken the front end of the boat and a Finder in the back. And believe it or not, Lavi was better than the Moyashi.

“So, Yuu, you know where we’re going?” Lavi asked like he was making sure Kanda actually knew and not because he himself didn’t know.

“Norway.” Kanda answered anyway.

Lavi snorted. “Yuu, Norway’s an entire country. We’re not traveling to the entire country.”

Kanda sighed through his nostrils. “I don’t care. Still don’t speak the language. We’re only collecting Innocence and coming back.”

“Still as tunnel-visioned as ever, Yuu.” Lavi chuckled. Kanda noticed his grin spread a little more just a smidge too late, his eyebrows bunching in confusion. What was he up to?

Lavi waited for the boat to be set off before giving the remark. “Most nine-year-old children are all over the place, y’know~”

Allen turned in his seat to glance at Lavi, a hint of amusement in his face. Kanda blinked once before elbowing the redhead in the side. “Who told you?” He asked, obviously _not_ amused.

“Does it matter?” Lavi asked, grinning again despite the pain in his left side. “Yuu’s only nine~”

“I’m still nineteen, baka Usagi.” Kanda mumbled.

“Not _really,_ though.”

“I’m going to punch you.”

“Didn’t you just?”

“No. I elbowed you.”

“Wait,” Allen cut in, much to Kanda’s annoyance. “If Kanda’s only nine…” He gave the swordsman a shit-eating grin. “That makes him the youngest person in the Order, doesn’t it?”

“It does~” Lavi smirked and wrapped an arm around Kanda’s neck. “We’re here as his babysitters, Allen~”

“No, you’re not! I don’t need any babysitters!” Kanda snapped, shrugging off Lavi’s arm. “I’m going to strangle whoever told you, I swear to God.”

“Woah, didn’t know you were religious, Yuu.”

“Shut up.”

Lavi grinned once again. “Most children don’t understand religion, y’know-“

A second elbow to the ribs finally got him to shut up- at least for the rest of the boat ride to the mainland. But once on the train is started up once again.

“Yuu, should we get the children-eat-free special~?”

Kanda knew better than to believe that telling Lavi to shut up would actually _work._ So he elected to ignore him instead. He might have been alive for only nine years but he could still just as easily beat up the both of them.

 “More like the child-sized meals, Lavi.” Allen added.

“Says the one that’s the _size_ of a nine year old.” Kanda retorted.

“Not true, Yuu.” Lavi laughed. “Allen’s shorter than you~”

Kanda got up without another word, not so much of a glance at the two annoyances, before stalking to the other side of the train. He could still hear the two of them snickering with each other, but at least he didn’t have to directly _deal_ with them. Mugen in hand, he shut his eyes in an attempt to enter a meditative state so he could totally block them out.

To say he was unhappy about Lavi’s knowledge of his _true_ age wasn’t _enough._ He normally didn’t really care who knew, but those two would be making cracks like this for… forever, probably. But what really unsettled Kanda was how much exactly did Lavi “find out”. He knew Lavi was smart, despite his stupid antics. Probably one of the _smartest_ exorcists, even if he’d never say so out loud. Whether he and Bookman knew about the projects the Order investigated years ago, Kanda couldn’t tell. But if they did, and Lavi found out he was “born” nine years ago, the same time as the Second Exorcist project… Well, Lavi knew how to do basic math.

Kanda didn’t like anyone knowing something so private and vulnerable about himself. Not that half the Order didn’t already know. But he wished it would just stay buried and dead and out of sight.

“Yuu,” Lavi’s voice sounded, _far_ too soon. “We’re here.”

Kanda opened his eyes and stared at the redhead. “Already?”

Lavi’s eyebrows furrowed together. “It’s been two hours, Yuu. Did you fall asleep?”

He must have. “Doesn’t matter.” Kanda shrugged it off and stood up, Lavi and Allen following him off of the train. “Where is the Innocence?”

“Apparently it’s in some orphanage’s yard. There’s a number of akuma around, so it’s pretty much confirmed there’s Innocence.” Allen explained, reading from Komui’s mission report.

“Piece of cake.” Lavi grinned, folding his arms behind his head as they walked. “We do this kinda stuff all the time~”

“Lavi, don’t jinx us.” Allen frowned at him.

“You’re jinxing us with your presence.” Kanda muttered.

Allen huffed at him while Lavi just sighed. “Don’t start fighting _please._ ”

“Hmph. Only because you said please, Lavi.”

Lavi grinned, wrapping an arm around the shorter male’s neck. “You’re too kind, Moyashi~”

Kanda tuned them out as they started their “playful banter”, as Lavi called it. He was still mad his train trip mediation had been (felt) cut short. He wasn’t ready to actively deal with both of them. Not that he ever was.

After about a mile of just walking Lavi pointed into the not-too-far distance. “That should be the place.”

“I don’t detect any akuma nearby.” Allen hummed lightly in thought.

“Let’s make this quick then, before they do show up.” Kanda said and then broke out into a run towards the building.

Lavi and Allen followed suit, Allen keeping a lookout for any akuma. The inside of the orphanage was quiet, almost eerily so.

“Most of the children and staff have been transferred after the odd phenomena began.” The Finder, who Kanda had completely forgotten about, explained.

“Well, where’s this Innocence?” Kanda asked again.

“This way.” The young man motioned for the Exorcists to follow him down a hallway and to a larger room. The room was full out a bunch of colorful wood Kanda realized must’ve been some form of playground for the children. How safe it was, he couldn’t say. He definitely wouldn’t have played on it, though.

He took a step forward, eyes scanning the death trap. “Doesn’t need Innocence to be dangerous to normal people.” He scoffed under his breath.

“Well, guess it’s in there somewhere?” Allen shrugged.

Lavi pointed to a sign standing in front of them and the play structure. “Look at that.” He said with a grin that gave Kanda irritating vibes.

“It’s in Norwegian, Lavi.” Allen pointed out.

“It says, ‘Children Only’.” Lavi clarified and then heaved an exaggerated sigh. He clapped a hand on Kanda’s shoulder and looked at him with a stupidly fake serious look. “Looks like it’s all up to you now, Yuu.”

Kanda let out an irritated growl and unsheathed Mugen. Lavi had enough sense to jump back, although he was laughing like an annoying hyena. “Fuck you, baka Usagi!”

“Yuu, it’s just a joke! P-Put that away! Yuu!!” Lavi yelled between fits of laughter and screams of terror as the swordsman chased him around the orphanage.

Allen sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Somehow he knew it was going to end up with _him_ going after the Innocence while Kanda attempted to kill Lavi.

“At least I’m… shortest…” He mumbled to himself before climbing in headfirst.


End file.
